Darkness to Light

A: How long was I in the darkness?

B: I dunno.

A: What'd you mean you dunno? You were with me all this while.

B: Exactly.

A: Eh?

B: Yes.

A: Why was I in the darkness?

B: You liked it.

A: No I din't.

B: Yes you did. You knew it wasn't the best place to be. Yet you stayed. 

A: I stayed because I had hope.

B: Stop going Hollywood on me. You stayed because you were blind.

A: No I wasn't. I had the candle.

B: Yes I always meant to ask you how you managed to get it to last for so long.

A: I told you. Hope.

B: You really are retarded. You know this do you not?

A: I was...well...Yes.

B: So what now? You're still not officially out of it.

A: Ermm..

B: And people are talking you know. Not very nice things too. Something along the lines of not being along the lines.

A: You know thats not true.

B: I do. But I'm a doubter. I always have been. And I'm sticking to form.

A: I want to come out. I need a...push.

B: I cant give you one.

A: Why the fuck not?

B: Let not the highly sensitized brain of yours forget that I'm not here. Of course High Hopes is running the background. Maybe some inspiration will strike from there.

A: Nooo...It's too nice. Don't bring it into this. 

B: Then what do you want me to do?

A: Chill. I'll handle it.

B: Yeah right. When it comes to this, I have no hope left for you.

A: Meanie.

B: Very droll.

A: I like it here.

B: Thats the point I'm making. Thats the point that everyone is making. You like it, but you aren't doing anything to get out of it to the other side. And you certainly arent doing anything to come back from it. 

A: I am. You know I am. It's just that these things take time.

B: You're a wuss.

A: Very droll.

B: I'm off.

A: Wait. What about me?

B: Your choice. Coming?

A: I...

B: Coming..?

A: ...

B: I'm not going to be around forever you know. Sooner or later I'll be gone. And the day I come back is the day you'll be dragged out to a place you definately do not want to be. And then what? Stay there for all I care.

A: I have Floyd...

B: ..with your highly sensitized brain.

A: Yes..

B: Ok I really do have to go now.

A: Leave the door open will you.

B Exeunts leaving the door open.

Funny

Late last night I was tossing and turning about on my bed when the Maharashtra State Electricity Board (MSEB or COCKS) decided that the peaceful neighbourhood of Nerul had had enough comfort. So they decided to withdraw their services from here. And then forget about us. So us peaceful citizens spent the night in the "mild" heat knowing fully well that we couldn't anger the good COCKS. They are god's children after all. And we deserve it for being a crap area.

Last night was also the night that my neighbour, a rather fiesty and large Bengali woman chose to maul her husband. The mauling started in the bedroom. Evidently from what I heard after, the ritual was not quite what the large bengali woman had in mind. She then proceeded to yell at her mate for half an hour. The hours from 1:20-2:00 in the morning were a veritable cornocopia of sounds. And I couldnt sleep.

I finally did get a couple of hours of sleep and I ended up awakening late.

Now there is only one thing I look forward to in the morning. The tiny bit of pleasure that I derive from a breakfast of Papaya and Cornflakes with Cold Milk. It gets rather irritating if the milk isn't cold. And it wasnt. Harrumphing my way out of the house, I realised that the boffins in the head COCK office still hadn't conceded to the lowly Nerul residents wishes and restarted the supply of Electricity to all the shanties. This meant a walk down the 8 flights of stairs.

I was on the 3rd floor when I stopped to check for my effects. They were all there but it couldnt be that easy. My phone was out of charge and so up I went again (still late) to fetch the charger. When I finally was in order, I hitched a ride with a motorcyclist to the bus stop. I knew I was late. I knew I had a chance at missing the bus. I knew I did not want to do so. The prospect of heading to office any other way when the office is in the next district is not appealing. And after my fantastic moring, I was not inclined.

I caught the bus as it was pulling away and I then settled down to the second peaceful activity of the morning. Reading the rot that the Times of India chooses to publish everyday. So I read with appropriate amounts of salivation of how Akshay Kumar is now the highest taxpayer in Bollywood and how the Mumbai High Court (bastion of sensible judiciary) saved a 65-year old marriage from a divorce. Both on the front page.

My morning looked set when Mr. X sat down next to me on the bus. I don't particularly like Mr. X. He wears "cooling glasses" inside the bus, talks loudly in his local language (my particular pick is when he responds to someone calling him by as loud a "BOLAAAA" as he can manage). Mr. X also happens to be my boss.

I endured the hour and a half trip to the district of Raighad with Mr. X next to me passing appropriate comments of how his state is the best state in the world and how his kind hate everyone else from everywhere else, particularly from the deep north and deep south of this country.

The bus finally reached Mumbai Industrial Development Corporation (MIDC) (DICKS who are the distant relatives to the COCKS) Taloja where the good, bad and ugly industries set their plants up to keep this country thriving.

Mr. X tried getting off the bus first as we were sitting right in front. I say tried, because as he was about to, he mysteriously tripped and fell out of the bus. He seemed rather distraught by the turn of events and for 2 seconds, no one did everything.

After those 2 seconds, people tried rushing off the bus to save Mr. X from the ignominy of being on the ground. 

I had slipped out in the ensuing melee.

All this while there is only one line in my head.

Those dicks are all cocks. 

Now I see the funny side of it. Now I'm always smiling. 

Here's looking at you kid.

I remember the first time I actually noticed him. Prep for SAADHANA ’08 was in full swing. It was another long hard day. Another one of those days when there was so much to do, not so much time to do it in and very few smart hands to actually do it.

It was rather late when we had wrapped up the day’s work. Us seniors went out for dinner followed by our usual loiter after and a couple of us were deep in conversation on the way back regarding what else, but sponsorship. Everyone had eaten. I clearly remember because he did the most unexpected thing then. He brought chocolates. For everyone. Well almost everyone considering that no one ever sticks to limits in our beloved school.

One minute I was talking about the possibility of a Design Partner and the next I’m being offered a Dairy Milk. No one had ever done that in a team that I had been a part of. And frankly for all the teams, boards and committee’s I’ve headed, I’ve never thought of getting them chocolates just for the heck of it.

It may seem like peas to you, but people who work for fests and symposiums at a college level know how stressed everyone get. Especially those at the top. And to be offered a chocolate for no reason at the end of a long day during prep is as unexpected as things come.

That was the day I had my first meaningful conversation with him. That was the day I realised that he was a 2^nd Year student. And that he had also worked for SAADHANA ’07. “Imagine that”, I remember saying to myself. I decided to keep an eye on him. And he did not disappoint.

He worked as hard as anyone for SAADHANA. He then got stuck into INSIGHT at my request. And then into the DC. He is now more than just a junior. He is a friend.

I heard yesterday that he had met with an accident and that he was rather badly injured.

Here’s looking at you kid.

Get well. 

Re-entry

Its easy to seek retribution. So easy. Easy to get it also if you are smart enough. Are you trying?

I want to know so many things. Ask so many questions. In the beginning, it gnawed at me. Day in and day out I sat staring at a wall, a ceiling, a dirty sock and wondering where I tripped. Where all did I trip? Yes. More than one for sure. Many more now that I think of it.

And I still think of it. Of them. Of you. And the gnawing is still there. It's a murmuring now. No more at high tide you see. Not that I want to go back to high tide. It stings a little too much for my liking.  But maybe that was just the way it was supposed to be. 

I'm moving to a different type of water now. It's a lot more..well..I don't know. Different is the only word that I would use publicly. Different settings and different opponents.

But the player is the same. And it still stings. 

And this time, I don't want it to.

Love,

K